This CBD Mattress Is so Dumb, It Shouldn’t Even Exist
2019 has been a crazy year for CBD. Despite the fact that most people have absolutely no idea what CBD is or what it does, the stuff is in literally everything from water and energy drinks to tampons and condoms — and now apparently a mattress!
Before you rage-close this article, I want to give a little bit of perspective of what CBD can actually do.
You can find almost unlimited stories of people from all walks of life, who used CBD for whatever problem they have and found long-awaited relief. There is an actual medicine that is approved by the FDA to treat certain types of epilepsy with CBD, so it does obviously do something.
The problem is that science still barely understands how CBD can be used to treat certain conditions, and there is no shortage of companies willing to use that confusion to push their junk products.
That brings us back to the ZBD mattress. First of all, why didn’t they call it the ZZZBD bed?! Secondly, whoever is behind the company, touts themselves as “the world’s first team to integrate hemp-based CBD with the foundation of a good night’s sleep: your mattress,” as if that’s a good thing.
If you’ve ever watched Shark Tank, you know that the fact that nobody has ever done something doesn’t mean anyone should do it. Somebody should have updated the ZBD mattress guys!
Their website is such a clusterfuck, it’s hard to know where to begin. Their only two customer reviews are from two “celebrities” who were very obviously paid for their “review.” Who are the celebrities in question? Melissa & Joe Gorga and former Olympic ice dancer Elisa Spitz.
Because I have absolutely no idea who either of those is, I asked Google. Melissa and Joe Gorga both appeared, or still appear (I absolutely can’t be bothered to make sure) on The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Elisa Spitz was somewhat relevant in 1984.
And that’s it. Those are all of the “happy customers” of the ZBD mattress.
According to their website, “the CBD technology can penetrate through one layer of fabric over the mattress to work in full effect so you can still use bed sheets and realize the benefits of CBD!” Do you sleep naked? You better, because that “one layer of fabric” is most likely going to be the mattress cover, so you’re shit out of luck if you wanted to “realize the benefits of CBD” in your PJs.
The CBD in the mattress will be mostly gone after washing the zipper cover about 15 times, but no worries, you can just buy a new one!
So, if you’re in the market for a grossly overprized mattress and like to take CBD in the dumbest way possible, the ZBD mattress is your perfect product.